Right Here

 An ad pops up on the screen. 25 secretly gay couples, it reads. Do people still care about such things? I thought we were beyond such things, but then again I also thought abortion would remain legal. Progress is always met with a backlash. 

I woke up after having an erotic dream, a rarity for me. The night before I’d dreamed about my ex –not erotic, thank goodness, but a rather sweet dream about me meeting her family. Her son showed me a manga about a plump cat named Sukoko. Su koko in Japanese means “right here.” In their rec room I drew detailed self-portraits on a whiteboard, knowing as soon as I left they could be erased, but hoping they wouldn’t be.

Monday night the anti-fraud department of my bank called with an automated message asking me to confirm two transactions that had been made in Northern California. One was for zero dollars and the other was for a dollar. I said it hadn’t been me and they deactivated my card. I’ll be without one for five to seven business days, which is a pain but compared to what I’ve been through these last two weeks it’s just a hiccup. 

Just before my bank called, the man from the insurance company, whom I’d screamed at hysterically earlier that morning, called and said that things were fixed, that there had been a clerical error and my insurance was reinstated. I asked if I could get that in writing and he put me on hold while he asked his boss, then told me no. 

The next morning I got an email from the insurance broker saying I still owed twenty-five dollars on my premium. I had paid the amount they told me to and she had confirmed it, and now weeks later she was telling me this. I paid it then wrote her back a very caustic email. I couldn’t help it, I no longer felt capable of being diplomatic. The fee for making a payment online was twenty dollars, nearly what I owed. I don’t know how any of these people sleep at night. 

I called the wound care clinic and to my amazement, the computer said that I was indeed active again. I made an appointment with the doctor for Friday but they said they wouldn’t be able to get me into the chamber until next week. Without the sudden weight of uncertainty crushing me, I felt dazed rather than relieved. I ordered my new bank card and ran some errands. I bought some gerbera daisies at the hardware store. They were clearing out violas so I got some of those as well. They should last through the summer. If nothing else goes wrong, maybe I will too.