We’re all sick of it. The trash, the violence, the dysfunction, the incompetence. The country is going to shit and even the most blithely optimistic Pollyannas among us are feeling a little queasy these days. Of course, you remember what happens to Pollyanna at the end of the book, right? Spoiler alert: she fucking dies.
So how do you keep going when everything around you is falling apart? You rely on your inner strength, of course, that core of molten willpower that keeps your rusted jalopy chugging forward when you want nothing so much as to let yourself collapse. You left the highway long ago and while you do have a map, you’ve become so reliant on GPS that you don’t remember how to read it, and of course there’s no service out here, and it’s getting dark and cold and you’re afraid if you pull over to sleep you won’t wake up. And then you feel something solid beneath your wheels, like a sheet of wood, followed by another and another, and while it’s so bumpy you can feel your teeth rattle in your skull, it’s at least a path of some sort, so not knowing what else to do, you follow it.
Friends, I invite you so slap a Keep Portland Weird sticker on your bumper, right next to the COEXIST one, and come with me on a bone-jarring journey into the splintery heart of Stumptown. It’s time to go for a drive on The Great Plank Road.
PORTLAND SPLEEN: BOOK ONE, The Great Plank Road is now available for ordering via the link below. It's probably too late to reliably arrive by Christmas, but this isn't really the kind of book you want to give as a gift anyways. Trust me.
https://www.lulu.com/shop/seann-patrick-mccollum/portland-spleen/paperback/product-y2rn2y.html?q=portland+spleen&page=1&pageSize=4
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