Marmosets

 A silver-haired man sits at a table with a woman a few years younger and quite a few pounds heavier than him.

"How can these people be so pissed off about all this critical race theory stuff," he's saying, "when they live in a country which was created by killing off all the natives? I mean, come on, people." He laughs and shakes his head. The server brings them another round.

"People keep asking me about what I'm going to do when I retire," he says."

 "I was just going to ask you that!" she says.  

"I'm moving to Ecuador," he says. "It's beautiful down there. Not too many ex-pats. You can rent a house on the beach in Guayaquil for 300 bucks a month."

"Why Ecuador? Have you spent time there?"

"Not yet, I'm going to go down and live there for a while, see if I like it. I love South America. When I was young I spent a couple of years in Peru."

"You never told me about that."

"I don't ever talk about it. It was a long time ago. We lived in the jungle. My wife was studying monkeys. Marmosets, actually. Marmosets always give birth to twins, which obviously makes them very valuable for scientific research."

"Peru. Well isn't that something. After all these years I guess there's a lot about you I still don't know."

"Well, you guys come down and visit anytime once I'm settled."

"We will, I'd love that," she says. The man knocks over his glass, which bounces off the floor with a bang and lands without breaking.

"Don't worry, no alcohol was wasted here," he says loudly. "Just ice."

"They love gringos down there," he says. "Especially tall gringos. They trot out their daughters and grade them right in front of you."

"They what?" the woman asks.

"Not in a prostitution kind of way. In a marriage kind of way."

She starts talking about the time she spent in Laos. "This is going to sound bad," he says, interrupting her as she's describing a trip she took on a fishing boat down the Mekong. "This is going to sound really, really bad. But I'm going to say it anyways because we know each other intimately. I mean, have known each other... you know what I mean. You know. Anyways. I don't like Asians. There, I said it. I'm not proud of it, but it's the truth. I know, how can I not like Asians and love South Americans so much? I mean, they're practically the same. They're all short. But there you have it. It isn't personal. I just don't care for them. And with that, I'm going to use the mens room before I get myself in really deep trouble."

 

"So, you were going to tell me more about these Bitcoins," she says when he returns.

 

"Oh, right, Here, I'll show you how to log on... there you go. Five thousand dollars, and there's a seventy five dollar fee. Now if you decide to do it, you can use Venmo or PayPal. I like Venmo. When you're ready, all you do it press that button."

 "It's that simple?" she asks.

"It's that simple," he says. "You're not doing any of the actual mining, you're just buying a share of it, like stock. It goes up and down but mostly up. But think about it before you do anything, try to decide if you really..."

"I just did it."

"You did?"

"Five thousand dollars. I'm in. This is exciting."

"Well, there you go, welcome to the club. Here, let me take a look... see, in five minutes you made fifty bucks. That's the easiest fifty bucks you've ever made. Or maybe it's not." She takes her phone back, reads the screen without saying anything. "Maybe this isn't the first time you've made fifty bucks in five minutes. I don't want to assume anything."

"It's up to a hundred," she says.

"See, a hundred bucks in less than ten minutes. You show me an easier way to make a hundred bucks in ten minutes."

"Another round?" the server asks.

"I don't think we have much choice," the man says. "We need to celebrate!"